The Uterus

The plural of the uterus is uteri, which sounds like someone with a Bihari accent saying, ‘You try’, and which is super sassy because try as much as you can, you can NEVER be as cool as the uterus. Seriously, just look at it.

Textbooks, very boringly, describe it as a ‘hollow, pear-shaped, fibromuscular organ’, which basically means that . . . it’s a hollow organ, that is shaped like an upside-down pear (nashpati), and it’s made of a lot of muscles and fibrous tissue.

In fact, it’s one of the most muscular organs in the whole body! A great way to think of it is that it’s like a balloon. It’s shaped like a deflated balloon. It can expand like a balloon. And it can hold a lot inside it, just like a balloon.

Now the uterus has one job that it takes very very seriously and is shockingly good at it. The job is to accept the baby, nurture it and then violently push it out when the baby is old enough.

The uterus is our Jagat Mata. For the most part of its life, the uterus lives inside your pelvis. Except when it’s pregnant and filled with the baby + baby juice, when it grows massive and extends all the way up into your abdomen.

The upper part of it hangs on top of your bladder. That’s why pregnant people need to urinate so much—the massive uterus crushes the bladder under its enormous weight, and the bladder can barely hold on to any urine. Right behind the uterus, you’ve got your colon (no, not the perfume that your man applies, that’s cologne). I’m talking about your colon, the intestine. More specifically, right behind your uterus is your rectum.

So that’s the Google Maps location of your uterus.

But what exactly does it do? Can you be born without it? What does it have to do with your periods? And pregnancy? SO MANY QUESTIONS! Let’s get into all of this, one by one in my next blogs.

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